Saturday 1 June 2013

Dear Diary

Last night I stayed up late and played the Walking Dead. Ali played for a while and then went to bed.  I played until I found the key to the pharmacy and then I also went to bed it was probably about 1.30AM
When I woke up I went to BnQ to pick up rectangle of Vinyl Flooring 3 Meters by 2 Meters. This is for a couple of breakdancing girls to dance on in a music video that through an odd set of circumstances I am to set to direct in just over a weeks time.
It’s a community song. It’s for the community. I can’t really say anything more about it right now without a Exec producer saying it’s ok. So I’m going to drop it now.
I will say that it is weird that my life has taken this turn. It is weird that I am being given this opportunity. It’s not that I haven’t asked for this opportunity. I may even deserve it. It’s just weird that I have the chance to do this.
It scares me a fair bit. I am constantly worried that whatever I am doing will turn out to be character building life lesson. An example of a mistake or floor in my character. Another snagged nail on the previously unnoticed Achilles heal of my trousers.
Emperors new clothes.
When I was working in tours the was a girl with mental disabilities who really wanted to read the weather. The weather segment of the tour involves adlibbing for a full minute while the map moves around behind you. She was really excited to do it. So I let her do it. As soon as the camera’s turned on. She froze. My worry is that I am about to do the same thing. Only on a larger scale, with larger consequences.
 I have a number of other projects on the go that are not making great progress. I have a few past successes in the bag. If by some miracle this all comes together, then it will open the door to more creative projects in the future. more of this feeling. more worry more stress... more successes in the bag.
If I fail, I fail and I can go back to processing documents for a living, it's just that bunch of people will be able to tell that I’m naked and having been bluffing all along. And I'll be back to the side-lines again,  watching in awe and wonder... with an increased admiration for the people that are able to make things happen.
 

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